The Bidean from the back - an idiot's guide

Date: 22 October 2016

Hills: Stob Coire Sgreamhach & Bidean nan Bian

Being basically perverse, I always liked that story about the Colditz tunnel which had its entrance at the top of the clock tower. My own spin on this tale has been the challenge of doing all the Glencoe hills without starting from Glencoe. The Bidean was last on the list, and I must admit it had me scratching my head. Glen Etive offered a direct way up on to Stob Coire Sgreamach, yes, but how about coming back down off the Bidean? - those southern slopes looked pretty steep. Still, a few months ago I did my homework from the map, and from images on Geograph, and reckoned that a way could be found down to the Bealach Fhaolain. Not direct, obviously - what kind of idiot would try that! - but a shimmy to the west would take us round the steep rocky stuff. I dutifully penciled in a snaking line on my map, put it away, and thought no more about it. You can probably already tell what is coming, but you'll have to wait to have the identity of the idiot revealed.

Anyway, here we are heading up from the car park just south of Dalness House. We chose a route in between the forestry and the deer fence. I suspect this was the best option, although it didn't really feel it. We were distracted from the tussocky ground beneath, first by some semi-transparent hexagonal UFOs were flying up the glen…

and then…

…by Biggles flying down it. (Hey, there's a new story there… Biggles over the Bidean!

In this light the Buachaille…

…looked close enough to reach out and touch. And in the other direction…

…the view down Loch Etive was opening up.

Higher up, and…

…a second Buachaille comes into view. All told, this direct route up from Glen Etive is one I'd recommend - fantastic views from the off.

This is the view down past the .778 top…

…and over towards the hills on the far side of Glen Etive.

A velvety sheen…

…on Beinn Ceitlin and Stob Dubh.

Most days, when the cloud builds up, it is a Bad Thing. Today, though from the top of Stob Coire Sgreamach looking down the Beinn Fhada ridge…

…the cloud was definitely a Good Thing.

So far we'd seen nobody else on the hill. Nor did we see anyone after the top of the Bidean. But along the ridge we must have seen a hundred or more. All very sociable. One conversation went like this…

Walker: So how many Munros has your wee dog done then?

Me: Er, two hundred and thirty something.

Walker: Crikey, how old is she?

Me: Eleven.

Walker: … busy lady!

We were all spoilt for choice about which way to look. Up the ridge…

…out into the cloud…

…or back the way we'd come…

From the 1141 top of the Bidean the ground tilted nicely down…

…towards the Bealach Fhaolain. No need to consult with the map after all! And in any event didn't the sun-tipped ridges of Stob an Fhuarain…

…make for more essential viewing than how they looked on paper?

And then there was the view…

… down Loch Etive to Cruachan on the left and the Trilleachan Slabs on the right.

So on we went, making a beeline for the Bealach. I noticed a cairn away to our right - why do people put cairns in the most ridiculous places, I thought? - but kept on our direct line down. Er, quite steeply down now. Actually, a lot steeper. Hm. I could see the Bealach below, but I now realized that I couldn't see the ground between us and it - a sure sign that this was no longer a steady slope. Now I looked around, I saw plenty of vertical rock and not much in between. At this point I left C and the dog sat on a rock whilst I scrambled around, left and right, looking for any kind of feasible route. Is this what is meant by that curious term 'cragfast' - someone scuttling around like a lunatic whilst getting absolutely nowhere? Anyway, imagine Corporal Jones - don't panic Mrs Byrdmanwaring! don't panic Mrs Byrdmanwairing! - and you'll have the essentials of the scene. The best I could come up with, that didn't entail a significant retreat back up the slope, was a gully that led down onto steep grass. First we had to get into it. Let me just say that this…

…is not the smart way down (or up) the Bidean. I wonder if we were the first people ever to find this cleft… in which case, can I name it? Since Monty Python's 'Gorge of Eternal Peril' already lies on the Bidean, can I suggest the 'Gully of Temporary Inconvenience' for this spot?

Here, to my shame, is a retrospective of our descent route…

…which zig-zagged down the rocky stuff to the left in the picture. Only when we got down to the glen did I look at the map and see my careful pencil line - ah yes, I remember now - which would have avoided all the difficulties. Still, C saw an upside to it. She's awaiting a hip-op, and for the last half hour, as her endorphin production peaked, she'd managed to divorce herself from her pain. Mind you, at the same time she must have come close to thoughts of divorce from her pain of a husband. Hey-ho!

From there, it was a simple trek down the classic V…

… of Glen Fhaolain, and down the forestry track to Glen Etive.

The post-script to this came the following day, walking out to Sallachan Point on the other side of Loch Linnhe. There, looming on the horizon, was the profile of the Bidean…

… with its gentle summit slopes dropping off into the craggy stuff. I may have misheard, but I could swear it was asking me a question…

What kind of idiot?…